A shared practice
The Magic Ratio
S
Created bySean Fargo
Part 6 of Sean's partner-appreciation series — recorded in his own voice.
In Sean Fargo’s own voice6 min
Read along — the full script
Welcome back. We're now on day six of appreciation. I'm Sean Fargo. Did you know that couples are much more likely to stay together for the long term if they express appreciation to one another five times more than they complain?
It's true. Scientists have actually researched this, and they've found the magic ratio of five appreciations for every one complaint. That may seem like a lot, but simple habits of consistently appreciating the little things really add up.
Appreciation can be felt as a deeper level of acceptance, and it generates a feeling of self-worth. You're basically showing that you admire the other person and delight in their uniqueness, which in turn leads them to naturally feel better about themselves and to feel better about you too. And this is as applicable with partners as it is for other family members, parents, your boss, your co-workers.
So see if you can express appreciation five times for every one complaint and see if you can even increase your ratio a little bit. So let's practice this a little bit by finding a posture that's both relaxed and alert. You can close your eyes or look downward just to limit visual distractions.
Just sense into the body. Notice your breathing. The feeling of gravity as your weight pulls you down on your chair or the ground or the bed. Sensing what it's like to be in the body. Now bringing to mind your loved one. And reflecting in the past week or month, how often do we complain to our loved one about what they've done or what they haven't done?
And how can we shift our complaints to an intention to find something good to appreciate instead? To let go of our instinct or tendency to complain and to find something to appreciate. Feel into how often we appreciate them for what they've done or for who they are.
How often do we express that appreciation to them? How often can we appreciate them more for what they do or for who they are? So simply beginning to notice how often we complain, how we can shift our complaints to appreciation, and finding new things to appreciate about our loved one.
And seeing if you can increase your ratio a little bit to at least five appreciations for every one complaint. I look forward to seeing you again tomorrow for our next session on day seven of appreciation.
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