A shared practice
Increasing Self-Appreciation
S
Created bySean Fargo
Part 7 of Sean's partner-appreciation series — recorded in his own voice.
In Sean Fargo’s own voice5 min
Read along — the full script
Welcome back. We're now on day seven of appreciation. I'm Sean Fargo. As you know, a lot of the anger, hurt, and resentment that comes in relationships with loved ones comes from feeling unappreciated, and we live in a world where it's almost frowned upon to appreciate ourselves, to feel that we are great.
So we tend to play down our greatness. We don't want to stick out too much, and we tend to lose confidence or trust in ourselves rather than celebrating our unique qualities and what we have to offer. So is it any wonder that this lack of self-appreciation then flows into our relationships?
Appreciating yourself and your loved ones just naturally feels good, and it increases our love and connection. So if you're feeling unappreciated, let's look to see if there's a general attitude of not bringing awareness or acceptance to others or to yourself as much as you'd like. So let's start with a simple exercise by closing your eyes or looking downward if you're not driving, just bringing awareness to your internal landscape, to the sensations in your body, just feeling a sense of groundedness and embodiment.
It can be helpful to notice your breathing or any sensations that feel predominant. It can be helpful to take a deep breath. And gently shifting your awareness to your loved one and your relationship with them. And with a sense of curious kindness, ask yourself if your partner or loved one is capable of giving you the appreciation that you desire.
And also flipping it around to ask yourself if you feel capable of giving yourself the appreciation you desire. And is your loved one withholding appreciation for you for some reason? And flipping that around and asking if you might be withholding appreciation for yourself for some reason.
And with the same sense of kind, gentle curiosity, sensing into any unresolved anger or hurt for your partner. And sensing into any unresolved hurt or anger for yourself that might need to be addressed. And sensing what it's like to offer yourself appreciation.
So a byproduct of appreciating others is that you start to appreciate yourself, and as you appreciate yourself more, you tend to appreciate others as well. So I hope that this exercise has been useful for you, and guess what? Congratulations.
You've completed the appreciation series. We look forward to joining you on another series of mindfulness exercises. Thank you very much, and we look forward to seeing you again soon. Take care.
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